Sigh. I'm not a writer. I don't tweet much. I'm not a blogger, although this is the first entry in my own blog. I started this as an outlet; I've found that if I cannot actively do anything about a situation, it helps me to get my feelings out in print. Recently I experienced a situation where it wouldn't do any good to 'be honest' about the situation or bring things to light; it would only exacerbate it, and there is no such thing as good drama at my age.
Although I knew all this logically, my feelings regarding this situation continued to seethe. I would wake up at night with the words that I wished I could say out loud repeating in an endless loop in my brain. Finally, enough was enough and I put the words to paper (screen?), rambling out 3 pages of the things I've always wanted to say but never would, because (1) it wouldn't help the situation and (2) the person wouldn't have taken in a damn thing I said anyway (I've tried before - it just got glazed over). I finished it, saved, and walked away.
I slept soundly that night for the first time since it happened, and in the morning, I realized once and for all just how much power the written word has. Simply getting it out let me relax enough to sleep. You know the old saying, "Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," well, that's a bunch of crap, as any kid who's been called names on the playground has experienced. The physical bruises we get over; the words stay with us, molding our ego and self esteem for good or ill.
Enter the age of Social Media. Wikipedia (I know, not a definitive source, but neither am I) defines it as "media for social interaction". It's supposed to be a good thing - it helps people connect in ways they never would have been able to before the age of the internet. I was one of its first advocates, being one of the small group of women who interacted through the BBS (Bulletin Board System - pre-internet online interaction). For people who are shy; who freeze up when speaking in person, this was a godsend. To a degree, it is still easier for me to communicate online than in person. You have time to edit your thoughts and come back with a response without having awkward social lag time. There are a myriad of reasons why people find it easier to communicate through social media rather than in person.
As my parents tried to tell me, though, easier is not always better, and more often than not, it's worse. There's a big difference between interacting online and interacting in person. The things that are worthwhile (and the things that we end up valuing most) are the things we strive for and work at. When we take the easy road, we fall into lazy habits, as is so easy to do. We start forgetting to call our friends, knowing we can reach them online. We stop making dates to meet up in person; go out for coffee, take a walk with a friend. We communicate in 140 characters, which is barely enough to express a thought, let alone explain it. Not only are the words said; they're now said to the entire world, and are there to be read again and again and again.
And when we get used to this way of communicating, it is even easier to forget there are real flesh and blood people reading our posts & blogs & tweets; that what we say has even more power to hurt, maim, and destroy. I believe this is true because we are no longer in physical communication with a person; we cannot read their facial expression, we can't explain away a phrase when they raise a question - hell, they might not be able to raise a question, depending on the source of media. I know, people have been writing books for years and communicating that way - but that's not what I'm talking about. We don't write books to talk to our children. We don't (I hope) use Twitter to break up or propose to the one we love.
Like most technological advances, there are pluses and minuses. The trouble lies in when we start forgetting how to interact with people and begin to rely on social media to help us communicate. If I am speaking to someone, and they are connected and tweeting at the same time, it tells me that there is a group of people out there somewhere they'd rather be communicating with. It is saying to me that I'm not worth their time, and that hurts. It's like when you try to talk to your kids when they're listening to their Ipod - you know you don't have their full attention. :-) I am a firm believer in 1st amendment rights and the freedom of speech, but I am realizing that if you isolate all the people you know because of your liberal use of the 1st amendment, you will have no one left to speak to; no one will be listening.
I have never been accused of being a great communicator. Hell, I've never been accused of being tactful. :-) But I am beginning to find that in the electronic venue, it is far too easy to forget about any amount of tact. People think it is cool to be "snarky and cutting", and they think it is witty and it ends up being whiny and negative. Perhaps I've just seen too much negativity online. I have a friend from way back; ironically, we found each other again through Facebook. Robert has the most positive attitude I have ever seen. Frankly, to those of us who life tends to throw 'suck you' jabs at, this can get annoying at times. :-) But Robert always has a kind word, a joke, an encouraging phrase; sometimes just a really cool and inspirational picture, and it's rubbing off. I find myself wondering how he would handle situations, and ironically, instead of simply envying his good attitude, I'm trying to strive to have one of my own. The wild thing is: it's working. As I drop the negativity, even though my situation hasn't changed, I find that I actually am happier and do have just a bit more patience at the end of the day. And when you are raising two autistic teenage boys by yourself, every drop of patience counts.
I need to wrap this up & spend some face to face time with my kids (who will ALWAYS come before anything I am doing online). It kind of comes down to this: If you're going to a party with real people - leave the social media till you get back home.
