Dilemma: Facebook (& the internet in general) is my link to people & real life, since I cannot get out & do many of the things typical folks without rampant autism in their families can do. Without it, I would be even more isolated than I already am. The problem is that every time I get online, I am faced with friends' well meaning posts about how wonderful their lives are, how much fun they had going to this place or that, and how blessed they are to have the families they do. It just brings it all home how different & difficult my life is in comparison.
So do I continue to log in, to keep my link with the world but be constantly reminded how much my life sucks in comparison, or do I get offline & remain even more isolated than I am?
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Smileys
Looking back over my blog, I realized I use smileys way too much. Why? Am I trying to be funny & I want to make sure people get it? Am I trying to put people in a good mood? Am I (dramatic pause) trying to get a laugh so that people don't realize just how scared I am of my own life & therefore if they laugh & think I'm really ok, they won't be scared away?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Lose it
I have been religiously logging in my daily calorie intake on a site called LoseIt.com. If the damn house elves would stop shrinking my pants, I wouldn't have to resort to such drastic measures. Unfortunately, I think I hate shopping for new clothes more than I hate limiting my calories. This does lead to some interesting quandries, though - at least once last week, if I was going to stay below my daily calorie limit, I had to decide between having something for dinner & having a couple glasses of wine. Guess which won out.
I suppose if I could just get more 'regular' exercise, I could expend more energy and therefore eat more (or drink more, as the case may be). Sadly, 'regular' is a word not known in this house. "Regular" would imply that I am setting aside a set number of minutes per day solely for my benefit.
I suppose if I could just get more 'regular' exercise, I could expend more energy and therefore eat more (or drink more, as the case may be). Sadly, 'regular' is a word not known in this house. "Regular" would imply that I am setting aside a set number of minutes per day solely for my benefit.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Drained
Been dealing with appointments lately - doctor, dentist, eye doctor, podiatrist, orthopedist, autism specialist... mostly for the boys, although I admit to a dentist & eye appointment in there, too. The boys both have been diagnosed with flat feet and need orthodics; seems I have flat feet too, and never knew it, & could use the orthodics, too. The doctor asked if I didn't get sore backs & legs after walking - I told him yes, but I figured I was just getting old. :-)
Did I mention all of these appointments have been within the past couple weeks, and we still have a few more to go? I thought I was being sensible by scheduling them all at once; you know, get them over with & all. Only problem is I am completely exhausted & trying to stay positive that I will have enough energy to make it to the last appointment.
One of the worst parts about raising my two teenage autistic sons by myself is that I am so completely drained all the time. I have no extra energy for the boys, let alone myself, by the time dinner rolls around. I have so many projects I'd like to start; weavings, costuming, tie dye, jewelry, but I just don't have the energy left to do anything. By the time they're in bed, I'm collapsing as well. I miss being creative. People will say, "Make the time!" I would love to have them come live my life for a week & then would love to hear where they would 'make the time'.
Did I mention all of these appointments have been within the past couple weeks, and we still have a few more to go? I thought I was being sensible by scheduling them all at once; you know, get them over with & all. Only problem is I am completely exhausted & trying to stay positive that I will have enough energy to make it to the last appointment.
One of the worst parts about raising my two teenage autistic sons by myself is that I am so completely drained all the time. I have no extra energy for the boys, let alone myself, by the time dinner rolls around. I have so many projects I'd like to start; weavings, costuming, tie dye, jewelry, but I just don't have the energy left to do anything. By the time they're in bed, I'm collapsing as well. I miss being creative. People will say, "Make the time!" I would love to have them come live my life for a week & then would love to hear where they would 'make the time'.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
House Rules
We're reading this book for our book club. It was my suggestion. I hadn't read it; someone had suggested it to me because it's about a single mom with an Asperger's son who gets accused of murder, and I'm a single mom with an Aspie son as well as one on the low functioning end of the Autism scale. We were looking for suggestions of what to read for the month, so I threw this one out there & they all agreed.
I'm really regretting it now. I'm about halfway through the book, and I honestly don't know if I can finish it. Difficult barely begins to describe how it is to read this book; to go through all the things this mom goes through; basically, I'm living all the crappy parts of my life all over again. Every raw emotion; every doubt for the future.... it just hits home way too close. I can't even write any more on this post.
I'm really regretting it now. I'm about halfway through the book, and I honestly don't know if I can finish it. Difficult barely begins to describe how it is to read this book; to go through all the things this mom goes through; basically, I'm living all the crappy parts of my life all over again. Every raw emotion; every doubt for the future.... it just hits home way too close. I can't even write any more on this post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)